LEARNING CENTER

In our hearts, we all know that death is a part of life. In fact, death gives meaning to our existence because it reminds all of us that life is precious.

The loss of a life is life’s most stressful event and can cause a major emotional crisis. After the death of someone you love, you experience bereavement, which literally means "to be deprived by death."
When a death takes place, you may experience a wide range of emotions, even when the death is expected. Many people report feeling an initial stage of numbness after first learning of a death, but there is no real order to the grieving process.

Symptoms Of Grief and Loss
Denial
Yearning
Disbelief
Anger
Confusion
Humiliation
Shock
Despair
Sadness
Guilt

These feelings are normal and are common reactions to loss. You may not be prepared for the intensity and duration of your emotions or how swiftly your moods may change. You may even begin to doubt the stability of your mental health. It is important to be reassured that these feelings are healthy and appropriate. These feelings and expressions of powerful emotions help you come to terms with your loss.

Remember, it takes time to fully absorb the impact of a major loss. You never stop missing a friend or loved one, but the pain eases after time and this allows you to go on with your life.

It is not easy to cope after a loved one dies. You will mourn and grieve. Mourning is the natural process you go through to accept a major loss. Mourning may include religious traditions honoring the dead or gathering with friends and family to share your loss. Mourning is personal and may last months or years. Grieving is the outward expression of your loss. Grief is likely to be expressed both physically and psychologically. For instance, crying is a physical expression, while depression is a psychological expression.

It is very important to allow yourself to express your feelings. Often, death is a subject that is avoided, ignored or denied. At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain or ignore your feelings, but you cannot avoid grieving forever. Someday those buried feelings will need to be resolved or they may cause physical or emotional illness.
Many people report physical symptoms that accompany grief. Stomach pain, loss of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy are all common symptoms of acute grief. Of all life’s stresses, mourning can seriously test your natural defense systems. Existing illnesses may worsen or new conditions may develop.
Profound emotional reactions may occur. These reactions include anxiety attacks, chronic fatigue, depression and thoughts of suicide. An obsession with the deceased is also a common reaction to death.

The death of a loved one or close friend is always difficult. Your reactions are influenced by the circumstances of a death, particularly when it is sudden or accidental. Your reactions also are influenced by your relationship with the person who died.
A child’s death creates an overwhelming sense of injustice for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams and senseless suffering. Parents may feel responsible for the child’s death, no matter how irrational that may seem. Parents may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity. Their reason for living may seem shattered.
A spouse’s death is very traumatic. In addition to the severe emotional shock, the death may cause a potential financial crisis if the spouse was the family’s main income source. The death may necessitate major social adjustments requiring the surviving spouse to parent alone, adjust to single life and maybe even return to work.
Elderly people may be especially vulnerable when they lose a spouse because it means losing a lifetime of shared experiences. At this time, feelings of loneliness may be compounded by the death of close friends.
A loss due to suicide or tragedy can be one of the most difficult losses to bear. It may leave the survivors with a tremendous burden of guilt, anger and shame. They may even feel responsible for the death. Often, survivors benefit from professional advice to cope with this devastating experience. Seeking counseling as a family unit during the first weeks after the a death is particularly beneficial and advisable.

Coping with death is vital to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. There are many ways to cope effectively with your pain.
Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.
Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.
Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. You should not sleep more than 10 hours a day without your doctors approval. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.
Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.
Seek outside help when necessary. If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help come to terms with your loss and work through your grief. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.

If someone you care about has lost a loved one, you can help them through the grieving process.
Share the sorrow. Allow them, even encourage, them to talk about their feelings of loss and share memories of the deceased. Listen. Don't pressure.
Don’t offer false comfort. It doesn’t help the grieving person when you say "it was for the best" or "you’ll get over it in time." Instead, offer a simple expression of sorrow and take time to listen.
Offer practical help. Baby-sitting, cooking and running errands are all ways to help someone who is in the midst of grieving. Just having someone around who is generous but not intrusive can help.
Be patient. Remember that it can take a long time to recover from a major loss. Make yourself available to talk.
Encourage professional help when necessary. Don’t hesitate to recommend professional help when you feel someone is experiencing too much pain to cope alone. You might makea list of professionals who specialize in grief, trauma or major life transitions.

Children who experience a major loss may grieve differently than adults. A parent’s death can be particularly difficult for small children, affecting their sense of security or survival. Often, they are confused about the changes they see taking place around them, particularly if well-meaning adults try to protect them from the truth or from their surviving parent’s display of grief.
Limited understanding and an inability to express feelings puts very young children at a special disadvantage. Young children may revert to earlier behaviors (such as bed-wetting), ask questions about the deceased that seem insensitive, invent games about dying or pretend that the death never happened. Coping with a child’s grief puts added strain on a bereaved parent. However, angry outbursts or criticism by a parent will only deepen a child’s anxiety and delay recovery. Instead, talk honestly with children and in terms they can understand. Take extra time to talk with them about death and the person who has died. Help them to discuss and talk about their feelings and remember that they are looking to adults for healthy behavior.

Remember, with support, patience and effort, you will survive grief. Some day the pain will lessen, leaving you with cherished memories of your loved one.

Beginning today I will no longer worry about yesterday.It is in the past and the past will never change.Only I can change by choosing to do so.
Beginning today I will no longer worry about tomorrow.Tomorrow will always be there, waiting for me to make the most of it.But I cannot make the most of tomorrow without firstmaking the most of today.
Beginning today I will look in the mirror and I will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration.This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy spending timewith and someone I would like to get to know better.
Beginning today I will cherish each moment of my life.I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world and I will unselfishlyshare this gift with others.I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others.
Beginning today I will take a moment to step off the beaten path and torevel in the mysteries I encounter.I will face challenges with courage and determination.I will overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my quest for growth and self-improvement.
Beginning today I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time.Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image,my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.
Beginning today I walk with renewed faith in human kindness.Regardless of what has gone before, I believe there is hopefor a brighter and better future.
Beginning today I will open my mind and my heart.I will welcome new experiences. I will meet new people.I will not expect perfection from myself nor anyone else: perfection does not exist in an imperfect world.But I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles.
Beginning today I am responsible for my own happiness and I will do things that make me happy . . .admire the beautiful wonders of nature, listen to my favorite music,pet a kitten or a puppy, soak in a bubble bath . . .pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures.
Beginning today I will learn something new; I will try something different; I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer.I will change what I can and the rest I will let go.I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.
Beginning today. And every day.